How to climb a tree

First get off the sofa. Let Dad know that you really don't want to climb a tree. Pretend

you're really annoyed that he thinks you need exercise before you work. Walk slowly

through the living room and the kitchen and step out into the garden. Then stroke the

cat and tell her that you won't be able to stroke her for long because you need to climb

the tree. Then end up stroking her for longer than you want to. Next, get up and tell her

you're really sorry that you can't stroke her any longer because you need to climb the

tree.

Then see a cat in the neighbour's garden walk and wonder who it is. Wonder why you

came into the garden. Remember it was to climb a tree.

Walk over to the tree and put your hand on one of the wooden blocks. The wooden

blocks nailed onto it by your father. Rest your foot between the two trees, and with

your free hand hold on to a higher branch. Take your other hand off the block and put

it on the same branch. Then put one foot on the wooden block you had your hand on

and your other foot on any other block you can see. One at a time put your hand onto

an even higher branch. Hold on tightly. Wish that you could have apple pie. And swing

yourself into the thicker higher branches of the tree.

Pull yourself up to a standing position and look down. Brush the aphids off your shirt

and wait for the ant to walk away before you can stretch into the next branch. Wish you

can have cream with your apple pie. Wonder why Paula doesn't put enough sugar in

her apple pies. Make sure the ant has gone. 

Stretch your arm up to hold on to the branch. Realise that it's too weak to hold your weight and hold on to a different branch around the same level. Look for another branch to put your arm on. Put your other arm on it. Swing both your feet quickly into the even higher branches of the tree. Look down to make sure your Mum can't see how high you are. Plan to ask your Mum to make apple pie (with cream). You are now high in the tree.