There's nothing more annoying then getting those looks from Selfridges (Or any other, "Posh" shop) staff, that say, "I know you can't afford to buy things from here, so please don't waste our time by crowding the shop and putting off potential buyers by hanging round here with your grubby shoes and backpack. This is not a museum. Do not touch anything, even if you brush it accidentally with your coat. You are under twenty, so you're obviously going to knock something over. Do not steal anything just because you can't pay for it."
So, say you go on an impromptu trip to Selfridges. You are not wearing your best clothes. And you do not want to get those horrible looks from the staff. Here's what to do:
1. Go to the water closet and check your appearance in the mirror. Brush off any biscuit crumbs, pick off any balls of fluff or lint from your jumper/ cardigan/ top. Smooth out your clothes and neaten your hair. Dab at your face with a damp tissue. If you are female (Or male and not embarrassed) and you have make-up with you, put it on - but only if you think it will make you look better. Don't overdo it or you won't look, "Posh."
2. If you're wearing a shirt/ T-shirt/ jumper that's grubby, put on something over it, or take it off if you have something nicer underneath. Providing you don't have a bag with you, fold over your top (The one you're not wearing and sling it very neatly over your arm (You have to hold your arm like you do when you're holding a handbag.)
3. Take your hood off!
4. Get out of the water closet. Stand up straight. Walk with your toes slightly pointing outwards (Or however you think Miss Eliza Doolittle walks at the end of, "My Fair Lady.)
5. This is possibly the most important part: How you hold your head. Hold it high - not too high, or you'll look either snobby or really weird. Do not hold it too low or you will definitely get those annoying looks from the staff. When you look around, try not to stare in wonder at everything you see. Don't look too interested either. It's okay to do a bit, but if you do it too much the staff will think you've never been to Selfridges before, and therefore can't afford to be there.
6. Don't look too much at the staff - you're there to look at the clothes. Don't act as if they're not there, though, 'cos that's rude.
7. What do you say when staff say, "Can I help you?"? There are two reasons that they could be saying this. a) They want to help you. b) They think/ know you're not there to buy anything and that's their way of telling you to go away. Whatever your reason for being there is, do not say, "No thanks, I'm just here to look." If you do need their help, obviously say, "Yes" and then ask them whatever you need to ask them. If you don't, say, "No thank you" politely and give them a nice smile. Then, if you think they asked because they wanted you to go away, stay a little bit longer looking around in that section of the shop, then walk off; you don't want them to win. If they are super snappy when they say it and glare at you, glare at them back when you walk away. If you think they asked you because they genuinely wanted to help, either carry on looking or don't, depending on what you feel like.
8. Be polite to the staff. If they're rude to you (Which they shouldn't be and probably won't be) use irony or glare at them (Or just be honest and tell them why you're there and why you don't like there behaviour. Then threaten to and/ or tell the manager - but only if they were really rude.)
Ta da! Hopefully now they won't give you those, "I know you can't afford to buy things from here, so please don't waste our time by crowding the shop and putting off potential buyers by hanging round here with your grubby shoes and backpack. This is not a museum. Do not touch anything, even if you brush it accidentally with your coat. You are under twenty, so you're obviously going to knock something over. Do not steal anything just because you can't pay for it." looks!
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